3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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