im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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