If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
