hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
