I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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