today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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