I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
