she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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