Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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