Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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