and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize