just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
They are going to name an STD after you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
