also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
