I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I can't put those talents on a resume
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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