I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
