i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize