so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
