Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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