yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
