I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize