I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm getting married
To pizza
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
