is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize