Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
