Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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