he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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