There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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