Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
