omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
