She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
