I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
