where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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