if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize