Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
