So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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