From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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