someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize