Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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