just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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