Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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