it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
