I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
