i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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