If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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