piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
