oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
