Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
