Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
