i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
