u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
