wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
my poor anus
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
