People with herpes should wear stickers.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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