two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
