your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
