So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize