Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I yelled at your uterus for you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
