I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just gargled with NyQuil
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
