Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
