i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just had sex on a roof
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
