Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
