Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
