i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
