worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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