i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize