oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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