Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
