meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I look better un-naked...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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