Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
