Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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