I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
