I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
