respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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