Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
