2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
