So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
