i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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