He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
