we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
