I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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