the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
