I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
