I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
