I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
