I wish my penis had an off switch
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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