Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
