they need to just BURY HIM!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
