I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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