all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
