Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize