i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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