DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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