does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
