I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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