a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
