I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
