so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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