I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
