Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
