wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
